I have so fallen off the ana-wagon.

I feel awful. It's like mia has completely taken me over. Everyday for the past 2 weeks I have come home and binged and purged at least once. It's awful.

My current weight is 81.4. I am okay with it. I go with spurts of "I want to be healthy" and "fuck, I'm fat."

However, it feels really good to be back with you guys. I missed you so much. I am crying as I write this, and I don't know why. I wish some of you could talk to me one on one--I wish some of you were here when I was binging on Rice Krispie cerial this afternoon, or yesterday when I was binging on Wheat Thins, or the day before when I was binging on cake and a galleon of ice cream.

We got body fat tested. I was the lowest in the class...13%.

my dad and I have  gotten worse. words can't explain how much I hate him sometimes.

my confidence has been getting higher since I guys have been hitting on me. I feel pretty when that happens, and those are usually when I want to get healthy. Other times, like when  Iam at home alone, I don't want to. I just feel so confused.

I have to go--I was on VAYCAY last week and could hardly post my xxx_anathinspiration_xxx post--I promise I'll comment tomorrow AND UPDATE! I love being back.

<3 Gillian.
Thank you for your continued support. It means more than you will ever know.